Characters: Logan, Dick
Rating: R - for language
Word Count: 1, 185
Spoilers: 2x01, Normal is the Watchword.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t sue.
Summary: Dick tries to cheer Logan up, with more…dick. Heh. Okay, it’s not as slashy as it sounds, sadly.
Notes: I’ve never been to San Onofre Beach in San Diego, so any and all errors are mine and mine alone.
Thanks to txtequilanights, maxymama, and shizam23 for reading over this! *hugs*
Written for the vm_have_a_day challenge, and my prompt was Have a Naked Day.
“No. No, no, no.”
“Dude…this’ll help. I’m telling you,” Dick wheedled, towel slung across his shoulder as he shot a look over to where Logan stood leaning against the Xterra. “Help you get over what’s-her-name.”
Logan’s expression tightened for the briefest of moments, and then relaxed. “Her name is Veronica,” he returned coolly, “and I don’t need to get over her. I was over her the minute it ended.”
“You mean the minute she started doing the mattress boogie with Duncan?” Dick corrected, chuckling as if he’d made the most hilarious joke of the century and totally missing the irritation coloring Logan’s expression. “I bet they kiss each other and cuddle afterward, too,” he added, giving a mock-shudder at the idea.
“God, just shut up,” Logan muttered, moving ahead toward the sign that read Welcome to San Onofre Beach! “You ever been here before, Dick?” he questioned, eyeing the “clothing optional” addendum tacked up beneath the main portion of the sign.
“Nah,” Dick answered, walking up behind him. “But Dad and Kendall come out every so often. You know Kendall,” he nudged Logan in the shoulder, a leer on his face, “she’s not a fan of tan lines.”
Oh, Logan knew. But probably not in the same way Dick thought. He just smiled.
“Bottoms up,” Dick quipped, hooking his fingers in the elastic band of his surfing shorts and jerking them to the ground as Logan stood there, blinking. “Your turn, dude.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Logan followed suit, silently praying that there wouldn’t be any helicopters or airplanes doing fly-bys that afternoon.
Last thing he needed was to make the cover of some tabloid: Accused Son of Murderous Superstar spotted cavorting in the nude with unknown male. Sadly, he was more concerned as to what Veronica’s reaction to such an event would be than any damage it might provide to his upcoming trial.
Logan had never had any issues with his body, but he had to own up to a small sense of awkward insecurity as he and Dick treaded along the sand dunes toward the beach. The sun felt overly warm on his back and ass, and he resisted the urge to reach down and cover himself as they finally came to the end of the path.
And then, Logan just stopped. And stared.
“Um…Dick?” he drawled, completely unamused by the latest turn of events. “Notice anything…odd?”
“Dude, where’s the pussy?” Dick yelled, and Logan was torn between the desire to laugh and cry.
For probably the first time in his life, Dick Casablancas wasn’t completely oblivious. Too bad the monumental occasion came right on the heels of the worst day of Logan’s life. Since last week, anyway.
Dotting the sand were people partaking of the gorgeous San Diego summer - and the clothing optional policy, but unfortunately, they were all of the jock-strap variety. And Logan just couldn’t. Look. Away.
“So…much cock,” Dick was saying, an amazed sort of wonder coloring his voice as he stared out at the bodies lazing around on the beach. “Dude. Have you ever seen so much fucking cock in your life?”
“Not outside of prison,” Logan muttered, squinting up into the sun. Maybe it’d blind him, and then the plethora of…penis wouldn’t be as bad. On second thought… “I’m outta here.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Dick caught his shoulder as he turned to pass by. “We can’t go back now.” His face was sincere and solemn. “That would be like admitting we’re…scared of the cock. Or something. I’m not scared of the cock.”
“You are a fucking moron,” Logan hissed, jerking away. “Stay then. Build a fucking shrine to the cock if you want, but you’re doing it alone.”
“I think I see tits.”
“Those are probably just really big balls,” Logan grumbled, wondering why he was still standing there arguing instead of heading home like he’d threatened. Probably because he knew standing around looking at dick with Dick was bound to be better than anything else he could do back in Neptune. Kendall Casablancas included.
In the end, they found a place marginally away from the majority of The Cock, and set up camp for the day. Most of the time was spent snarking back and forth about everything and everyone, save Veronica and Duncan. And miraculously, Logan actually started to enjoy himself.
When the sun started to drop down behind the ocean’s horizon, Logan sat up and pulled his bathing suit on. “I really gotta get back.”
“Dude. I think I burned my ass.”
And for whatever reason, Logan actually looked over as Dick jerked his trunks back down to examine himself, then groaned in realization. “Damn it, Dick…”
“Ha! You were totally checking my ass out,” Dick barked triumphantly, doing a ridiculous victory boogie along the sand as Logan glared at him from behind. “All this cock’s gone straight to your head, Echolls. You’re on ‘Dick Overload’.”
“Fuck you,” Logan managed, trying not to notice the fact that the fucking moron had yet to pull his bathing suit back up, so Dick was literally flapping in the breeze. “Yo, man,” he started, feeling awkward and uncomfortable for like, the first time ever, “put it away now.”
“Why, getting hot and bothered? Maybe if you ask nicely, I’ll let you hold it.”
Dick’s grin widened as he glanced up to find Logan standing there, fists clenched and genuinely pissed off. “Man, I’m just messin’,” he drawled, obviously getting a kick out of Logan’s attitude. “Damn, I’m horny as hell.”
Logan blinked at the abrupt change in conversation, then shrugged. “What else is new?”
“Seriously, man,” and just like that Dick was all woebegone and dejected. “I haven’t been laid in six months. Madison, that bitch, fucking everyone but me. I don’t know what I ever saw in her.”
“Big tits and little effort? A companion of the soul?”
“Like you have room to talk,” Dick grumbled, sinking down onto the towel and cradling his head in his arms. “Really, dude. Did she cut it off, or what?”
Later Logan would realize that jumping Dick and pinning him to the ground probably wasn’t the best idea, but upon hearing the sly innuendo spill out of Dick’s mouth, he went slightly insane. On top of the crazy he already was.
“Take it back,” he growled, knee firm in Dick’s back as his friend choked and sputtered on crystal-white sand.
“Lemme up, fucker,” Dick growled, and Logan was slightly surprised to hear anger coating Dick’s tone. He didn’t think he’d ever really seen Dick upset about anything. Then, “Dude, people are looking, and I don’t want them thinking you’re my Ennis or some shit. I’ll never get laid!”
Logan snorted, releasing his friend and sitting back. He should’ve known – Dick was only concerned with one thing, after all. “Just keep your damned mouth shut about Veronica, all right?” he warned.
“Yeah, yeah. Ronnie’s off-limits, whatever. She’s too Frodo for my taste, anyway.”
“You know, little and shit.” Dick rolled his eyes, then flashed his teeth. “Now, Step-Mommy on the other hand…”